By Any Other Name
As I’ve stated before, us Americans tend to be easily-affected by the way that foreigners speak; as far as that kind of thing goes, I’m pretty much a slut for accents. I will completely fall in love with the way someone’s voice sounds, even if I’ve never seen the person before, which — as it turns out — is a terrible thing to base your affection on. On the other hand, I’ve found that pretty much nothing else is reliable enough to base your affection on, so it’s basically a crapshoot when it comes to romance. We’re basically stuck grasping at straws of what we find appealing, and then just hoping that the other person doesn’t murder us in our sleep. One of the other things that acts as a useless indicator is: a person’s name!
I was over at Neil‘s this morning, celebrating Christmahanukwanzaakah with the submissions to his online holiday concert and going through the list of reader-submitted holiday songs and photos. I realized that I was doing something strange: I was selectively listening to the mp3s based on the name of the person that submitted them. Now, I know virtually nothing about any of these bloggers; for the most part I haven’t read their blogs, don’t remember any of their specific previous comments at Neil’s, and the overwhelmingly vast majority of them have never visited Tales to Astonish (which I will temporarily forgive them for). The first song I chose to listen to? Becky‘s rendition of “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.” Why? Because I like the name “Becky.” Also the name “Rebecca,” which is most likely her full name.
Next, I listened to Claire and Elisabeth‘s il est ne le divin enfant*, even though I do not know that song. Why? Because Elisabeth had an “s” in her name instead of a “z”! That’s hot, right? And “Claire” is one of my all-time top sexy names. Not to mention that Elisabeth is French, which pretty much puts her over the top in terms of hot holiday singers. The lure of an alternate-spelling name, singing, and a foreign accent was irresistable. All three of these things happen to be completely arbitrary, unless she named herself, chose to grow up in France, and decided to be able to sing. UNLIKELY!
And Fitena? Forget about it!
Admittedly, I was judging people I didn’t know based on their names. Fortunately, I was only superficially judging their overall sexiness and listenability of their holiday songs based on previous life and cultural experiences that I had with these names. The (Former) Lady Retropolitan shared a name with a character out of one of my favorite vampire movies, which bought her two, three bonus points right there; I will forever and always find the names “Kristen,” “Shannon,” and “Holly” attractive because of girls that I’ve dated in the past. And “Valancy Jane” is just an awesome name, wherever the hell it’s from.
You know what, though? I bet other people are thinking the same exact things about me! Statistically speaking, there must be at least one person out there that saw “The Retropolitan,” and thought to themselves “Ah, reminds me of that boy I dated. El Retropolito. *sigh*” Or, conversely, “Ah, reminds me of that rat bastard, Le Retrotardo.” I am being judged! Perhaps as we speak! This is why I have decided to choose a new and entirely sexy, masculine name that can do no other than entice women and homosexual men, a name so unique and manly that people will click on any link bearing my nome de plume simply because it gives the impression that I am a virtual adonis. From now on, my name shall be…
…REX LANCESTRONG!
I can feel it working already.
*I thought this was the longest song ever until I realized that iTunes was looping it. It loops amazingly seamlessly.
Well, you got me with that comment over at Neil’s. ;-)
Countdown to Mr. Lady being all goo-goo-eyed because you mentioned her real name… :)
3… 2… 1…
You’re not the only one. And think about this: not only do people prejudge people (a little) on their names, but think about how those preconceptions affect how people treat the person being prejudged. In other words, you name your daughter Bambi and people are going to treat her like a brainless bimbo, and that’s going to have some affect on her personality.
So what effect has being named “Dorkafork Stronghands Smellsnice” had on you?
Accents can have a real effect on me, especially Irish or Scottish. It give me visions of redheaded lasses that are very sexy. Names, not so much, unless it’s something uncommon, like Caitlin or something.
Caitlin is a hot name.
Jesus, maybe I just need to get laid.
Big hit with the ladies. I think they hear “fork” and subconsciously think I’m a good cook. And I think I unintentionally try to act accordingly.
I say “BAM” alot.
Sounds like your name is compensating for something else.
Lack of…..height
Better that than what you compensate for.
Got yours too; it made me laugh. Thanks. :)
I’m a TOTAL sap for the accents as well – why are we all such suckers? But are you sure about Rex Lancestrong? Sounds like a character from Speed Racer. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, if you were going for the anime kind of thing…
My wife is a limey, so I get to live with an accent each and everyday! Muwahahaha!
I like to think we gave our kids cool names – Fiona and Ewan – except that poor Ewan is always being called “E-wan” when we go to the doc, for example.
If you sing something, I would absolutely listen to you, Rex, darling. Might I suggest taking a page out of Neil’s book and singing me a song about how to make a martini?
Believe me, you DO NOT want me to sing.
Actually, I’d have to say the flattery is working better for me than Rex Lancestrong (too much like Lance Armstrong). Although not everyone could have “one of my all-time top sexy names,” so I appreciate your dilemma.
Yeah, Rex. “Claire” is sexy. So’s “Allison”.
Always thought about changing my name. “Don” sounds a little too close to “duh” for my tastes. And “Dawn” too.