Meeting People
Let me start this post at the end:
“Just be yourself.”
I’m glad that’s out of the way. I’ve done an exhaustive sweep of the top sociology journals, and that’s the most likely response to the discussion of how one should act when meeting new people. On the other hand, I’ve always found that to be pretty useless advice, because I have a lot of different myselves in myself. Not as many as Sybil, but probably enough to play poker with if I get bored.
I’m bringing this up on account of my very lovely dinner last night with fellow blogger Neil and the enchanting and charming Sophia. It wasn’t the first time that I’ve met people that I only knew from the online world, although I can probably count the total number of internet-people-into-real-people events on one hand. Less than a full hand, actually, if we’re going by more than a simple hello and a handshake. And even less than that if we’re going by tawdry casual sex, which brings us to less than none at all. I think need to expand my blogroll.
I get nervous meeting people, because I’ve learned that “truth” is an elastic concept when it comes to the internet. And I’m not talking about the other people; I’m talking about myself. I mean, take this here blog, for instance: how truthful is it? A few readers have personally known me for a long time now, so they have a bit of insight into what’s going on behind the scenes. Ultimately, though, I’m the only one that really knows what percentage of my astonishing tales have been fabricated. It’s also an anonymous blog to most people, which means that certain details are outright lies created to further conceal my identity. That post where I described backpacking through the English moors with David Naughton? Totally made-up. I also didn’t really major in histrionics.
The question then becomes: when I meet people, do I be real-life me or internet-me? The answer, according to my psyche: “BE THE INTERNET-YOU, MORON. Internet-you is like the Fonz to the real you‘s Richie.” ‘The Retropolitan‘ is dashing, handsome, charming, and a fantastic hockey player — while the real me is just terrible at hockey. As you can see, the gap between personalities is vast and imposing. Also, the real me uses his hands a lot when he talks. And has actually stopped typing at least once during this paragraph to make hand gestures.
If there’s any point to this post, it’s that I’ve come to a conclusion about meeting people and being yourself: it’s totally not worth it. The real advice is: pretend you’re actually better than who you really are. You’ll make more friends that way, and — if you’re lucky — maybe some of it will stick. And then the Fonz will finally let you sit at his table in Al’s.
I don’t know. The longer you are around someone the more likely it is that the “real you” will ooze forth like the blob from a sewer grating, and then what? Either you’ll devour your new friends or they’ll start screaming and throwing fire at you! That’s what! Do you really want that?
I am all for being superficial and spitting at the little people. You shoulda told Neil you were like this really wealthy tycoon that owns all of Flushing!
I’ve often wondered whether blogging has forced me to developed some sort of multiple personality disorder. And its oh so hard to switch gears between the inner-child me (on TMM) and the professional me (who has to be serious in the academic world.) Somehow I dont think my professors would ‘get’ my musings about Shera and superpowers.
Looking back over the last few posts, I think that I should rename this place “The Retropolitan’s Really Bad Advice Blog.”
I have been way too nervous to meet any online bloggy friends in person. Not that I’m ever funny on my blog (very rarely lately) but I just know they’d meet me and think, “Wow. She is SO not who I expected her to be.” So I’ll just stay at home for now and watch my Netflix movies while eating chocolates and drinking wine. Oh yeah, baby!
To bridge this current post with the last, how do you know the stunner at the gallery REALLY spends her weekends ministering to birds?
Maybe she spends her Saturdays catching up on the latest episodes of that stupid new Philbin reality show, and is too ashamed to be beautiful and have no taste in entertainment.
If you are worried about presenting your honest self to the world, chances are the rest of the world shares your fear.
But… she said that she fixes birds!
On her blog.
Well Retropolitan, I think you are a great blogger and that is no small thing. In the “real world” I am popular with no shortage of friends or flirts but on the internet I suck. I am most often completely ignored so at least you rule in one domain. (and I’m guessing you don’t do as badly as you say in the real world either)
Well, I have my moments. Some of them are with people that are non-imaginary.
You know… I don’t know if any of my ex-girlfriends have been reading this blog in the past week, but if they are, I’m sure that their eyes are rolling so fast it’s creating a breeze.
I’ve met more than a handful of real bloggers, and even dated one for around a year. There is a def disparity between bloglife and real life that makes blogs SO much more interesting when you KNOW the person. So I always figure if someone sparks my interest and I don’t know them, I doubt they could dissapoint so badly in person!
But I enjoy being naive, so don’t correct me, ok?
Hmmmm… I didn’t quite get the feeling that you were suffering to the point that it was “totally not worth it” to be yourself…
Oh, I wasn’t suffering at all. But I think I’d like the real me to be more like blog me. Which largely is the real me but, like, bionic.
Sometimes pretending to be something for a while helps you become that.
Unless you’re pretending to be an astronaut.
does it count if i roll my eyes at you???
Is there any time you’re NOT rolling your eyes at me?
… good point.
So basically, you’ve “got the moves, but…wouldn’t want to boast” right? Please tell me you’ve seen that episode of Doctor Who or I’ll feel like a huge geek. Nevermind, too late.
I’ve met a few bloggers (and their families and friends, in some cases), and so far they’re pretty much what you see on the blog is what you get. Of course, that could just be the kind of people I read. Which means you’re a lot like you come across on your blog, since I read you.
Or something. It’s 4 on a Friday, my mind is gone. Remind me, why haven’t we met yet?
Well, I’m not familiar with that episode. So… uh… not sure what that means.
See, the thing with blog me versus real me is that the blog allows the real me to act out a little, to be a little braver. So over time, the real me is becoming more like the blog me, which I’m happier with. That’s why I had such a nice time meeting people that only knew me from blogging — I felt comfortable acting around them as more blog-me, which is a me that’s much more confident. And that’s kind of a goal.
And, yeah, why haven’t we met?
I’m not good at meeting new people either. The Be-Fonzie approach can help as long as you don’t go so far as to seem to be trying to hard.
Oh man, just thinking about meeting new people is stressing me out. doh!
I think that even in fabrications you get a feel for the “real me” in writers or at least some insight into their hopes, dreams and aspirations. It’s hard to write that much about day to day life and truly conceal your real personality. Unless, of course, you’re a complete pathological liar… ;)
Well, speaking for myself, it’s a lot easier to write about things from personal experience. So that’s the ‘real me’ in there. On the other hand, some of those personal experiences are from as far back as the fourth grade.
The nice thing about blogging for me is that I’m edited. I am so much better when I’m edited. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’m ever edited enough.
It’s that whole thing you wrote about creating your schtick in your head before you spoke to people. It’so much easier to do that through comments when you have more time to come up with a witty reply and THEN rework it before you comment. It’s impossible to do that inperson. But I think the Fonz is way over-rated. Heeeey!
I’m a WYSIWYG kind of guy: What You See is What You Get. For good or bad, the personality you see on my blog is the personality you get if you meet me. It’s too much work for me to get an alternate persona at my age. I’ve also lived by the credo (since I was about 14 anyway) of “Fuck the rest of the world, I’m going to be as insane as I want to be.”
So I gave up long ago on trying to impress anyone and don’t care what people think of me. I may not meet as many people that way, but at least meeting new people isn’t stressful any longer.
I’ve only had great experiences so far meeting bloggers (including Neil and Sophia) but I know that there are some big disparities between my Blog Character and my allegedly True Self. On the other hand, my Blog Character is not all that different from my Public Persona (well, BC is a bit taller than PP and wears nicer clothes). Do we ever really show our True Selves to other people? Who wants to go down that rabbit hole?
I’ve been thinking about all this quite a bit lately. I’m sure it’s all going to come back around to Batman.
Damn! And I was still hoping that if I kept being nice to you you’d introduce me to Mr. Naughton, and I could meet him over a nice cold Dr. Pepper and he’d sign the jacket of my 12-inch single of “Makin’ It.” And now I find out it was all just a big lie.
You’re a cold, cold man, Retropolitan.
When I was in high school, I was the “real” me, and I hated it. When I went off to college, I reinvented myself into the “cool” version of me. I got so used to “cool me” that it eventually BECAME me, except with a lot of the dorky highschool me seeping through. SO, now I can be exactly who I am, because who I am is who I always wanted to be.
Well, except in person, I’m a tiny bit nicer. I don’t call people corpulent spirit-suckers with more teeth than brains, at least not to their face, even though I want to.