The Brush-Off
I just had a thought pop into my head: I actually got the “I’m washing my hair” excuse once.
Out of all the excuses that I’ve heard for not spending time with me, that’s probably the most honest one that was ever lobbed compassionately in my direction, because it’s absolutely and unmistakably a brush-off. I don’t think anyone has ever shrugged off an advance by saying that they had to wash their hair, and then actually went and spent the night washing their hair. If that were true, everyone’s head would be much, much shinier. She may as well have told me that she needed to spend the night rounding up her cattle. On Jupiter.
I’ve heard a lot of people say that when they’re confronted by this kind of situation, they’d rather be told flat-out that the other person isn’t interested. A whole bunch of my friends have told me this, but I still can’t even imagine a world in which that would be a preferable outcome to a ‘soft truth.’ When it comes to getting rejected, I don’t want someone to tell me that they’re rejecting me: I want them to lie in a way that really says “yeah, you know that I’m really telling you not to call me again, but let’s pretend that I have a legit excuse. Like having to do charity work with orphans.” That way, everyone saves face (especially me), and some imaginary orphans get the help they need.
I don’t know about anyone else, but my ego is not so unassailable as to desire blunt honesty. Most of the time, the truth is going to be pretty obvious anyway, so I don’t consider one of these fibs a real lie of any sort. It’s certainly not misleading in any reasonable manner, unless you’re someone like George McFly, in which case you’re probably beyond being let down softly. Far, far beyond.
So, if any of my future love interests happen to be reading this: let me down easy. When I call, just tell me that you’d really truly love to go out with me on Saturday, but you’re building sandcastles out of lollipops that evening and you think it’ll take all night. If you have to reject me, at least let me have a good blog post about it.
My favorite one is… ‘I’m really enjoying my single life right now.’
That’s not too bad.
EDIT: Actually, I take that back. That could also infer that there might be a possibility for “later” or some sort of non-commital activity or something.
I am right there with you on not being able to handle rejection – probably worse. I had a guy reject me in the comments of my blog once. And even though it was a way more public forum that I would have prefered, I was kind of thankful that he didn’t do it over the phone or to my face. Sometimes it’s easier not to hear it.
How about “I’m experimenting with homosexuality right now, but if that doesn’t work out I’ll love to give you a call.”
Back in the day when I was actually dating, girls usually would just sneak away when I wasn’t looking and then not talk to me any more. Made me a little self conscious.
Now that I’m married, I get comments like “Do I fucking look like I’m interested in sex?” And the answer “Well, take off your clothes and let me see,” doesn’t help the situation much.
I sure hope that that last paragraph was about your wife.
“How about “I’m experimenting with homosexuality right now, but if that doesn’t work out I’ll love to give you a call.”
Wow, endless variations.
I’m experimenting with 9 volt batteries and baby rabbits…
I’m experimenting with 7-1/2 nails now because they don’t hurt quite as much…
I’m experimenting with your sister…
It’s like a creative well that never dries!!!!!! Good show.
Dating is tough… but now I’m confused because comment #6 referenced a wife, so are you married, or dating? Marriage is tough too, damn relationships! Why can’t they just come with a huge supply of chocolate and baseball games, then everyone would be happy all the time. :)
I really thought you were writing a post about washing your hair..I wash mine every other day..anyway about brushing off..some women are bitchy! I was always the kind to be so polite and felt so guilty that I would say, But let’s be friends.
The comment in numero 6 was directed at Vince from number 5, who is married to a wonderful lady. To my knowledge, I have not been married yet.
I know women for whom washing their hair is a big task requiring a whole evening. But if it wasn’t followed up by ‘how about some other time’ then any excuse is a brush off.
really? a simple “i’m not interested” isn’t good and soft enough? but come to think of it, i’m not so sure i’ve had to turn anybody down. usually i’m the one that’s asking.
although i really have used the “washing hair” line. but i was really dyeing and washing my hair, so wasn’t going to be going out for the night.
rounding up cattle on jupiter seems like a good line, though. i may have to find a way to use that.
I’d much prefer “building sandcastles out of lollipops.” Any girl that has the nerve to turn me down with THAT will earn my undying respect.
i built a sandcastle out of lollipops once… it took, like, a week. i totally couldn’t go out on any dates… that is by no means a brush off. lollipop sandcastle building is the work of saints.
Saying I have a boyfriend is the most honest, gentle thing I can think of. It doesn’t indicate that they are unworthy of being interested in, just that I’m not the right girl to ask out.
I hate when I tell guys who ask me out that I have a boyfriend and they think I am making it up. Why would you want to hit on a girl who looks like she couldn’t have a boyfriend that wasn’t “make-believe”?
Even worse is when they say, “well can’t we just have dinner as friends, then?” Even if we could, my boyfriend might think it odd I’m making dinner plans with a new male “friend” I just met at a bar. And I would feel the same way if it were him making plans with some girl he met out sometime. Isn’t that common sense? Would they ever want to be in a relationship with a girl that would handle that question differently?
When I hear “I have a boyfriend” I back away slowly and respectfully. I’ve known too many men who thought it was just a super idea to hit on my girlfriends, and I never wanted to be that kind of guy.
Well that is one of the many reasons I love you and know what a wonderful guy you are. Because you are different. Different is so good!
This one makes sence “One’s first step in wisdom is to kuesstion everything – and one’s last is to come to terms with everything.”