There’s Something… In The Mist
It’s been a little while since I jumped into the world of Stephen King, but Saturday’s fog inspired me to turn out the lights, fire up the jack o’lantern, and watch Frank Darabont’s big-screen adaptation of King’s novella “The Mist.” I haven’t read the book since around 1993, so even my best memories of the original story are hazy and dreamlike. I’m pretty sure it involves Scarlet Johanssen and Natalie Portman making out. In mist. If that’s the case, the Darabont version was taking some major liberties.
In this less sexy version, Drew-Struzan-like painter David Drayton and his little son end up trapped in a small supermarket as a heavy white fog descends upon the town. At first, no one is sure if it’s a toxic pollution cloud or what, but soon enough a man runs into the store, covered in blood. His message: YOU GUYS. OH NOES! Apparently, the blood on his clothes belongs to his pal, and his pal now belongs to the stomach of something that was lurking out there in the dense fog. No one really believes his improbable rantings, until David and a small group of men see Norm the bagboy get dragged out of the loading dock by tentacles.
Also in the store are a few men from a nearby military installation that hint that the fog might be the result of the mysterious interdimensional “Arrowhead Project”; a surprisingly resourceful assistant manager named Ollie; and Mrs. Carmody, a crazy doomsday-predicting preaching woman with an odd knack for swaying the masses. The story takes place over three days (I think), in which the market is attacked by numerous insect-like beasties, and we get our fair share of CGI bugs and tentacles. We also get even way, way more than our fair share of Mrs. Carmody.
I really wish I could recommend this movie, because it does have some really good parts, but ultimately it has a great big flaw: it’s frequently unintentionally funny. It’s not really played as a black comedy (despite a few jabs here and there) but the seriousness of the performers often abuts the absurdity of the premise, which leads to my laughing hysterically whenever someone says the word “tentacles.” (And they say that word a lot.) There’s also some nigh-slapstick behavior during a monster attack inside the store, and some of the poorer CGI gives the movie the feeling of 1950s giant bug movie, but the biggest problem of all is Mrs. Carmody’s story.
See, Carmody is the crazy lady that think the end is always nigh — and under these circumstances she has a point. She think that this mist is God’s punishment for the sins of mankind, and that only the believers will be saved, and in the ensuing “WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE” panic that follows she manages to amass a frothing-at-the-mouth religious cult around her; it’s the kind of cult that provides punctuation with amens, hallelujahs, and nodding heads. Unfortunately, the movie takes place over about two and a half days, and as much as I hate cults and believe in the power of brainwashing, I can’t believe that these people would all drink her Kool-Aid so immediately. Sure, I can imagine her picking up one or two shoppers that were already really religious, but dozens? Doubtful. The improbability of it not only ended up killing the tension it was supposed to generate, but also made every background-muttered “amen” seem dubiously funny.
As for the monsters… I was a little disappointed. The CG ranged from mediocre to shoddy, but I can get past that. I have a great imagination. I was just a tad bored by the somewhat generic concept design, even though I’m fairly sure it was close to the book. Insects can be frightening, but given that ANYTHING could’ve come through the interdimensional portal, I was underwhelmed that it was basically just big spiders and mosquitos and a pterodactyl thing. I would have liked to have seen more unrecognizable stuff like the giant six-legged tentacle thing.
If you can get past all that, the movie is rewarding in a few small ways. I will be the first to admit that somewhere in the realm of 90% of horror-movie acting sucks, so it’s always great to see a cast like this really committing to the project. Pretty much right down the line, from Thomas Jane as Drayton to Marcia Gay Harden as Mrs. Carmody, everyone is top-notch. Even when William Sadler’s character goes from angry redneck to Christian zealot in 12.7 seconds, I can fault the plot, but not the performance. I don’t mind over-the-top scenery-chewing as long as it’s good over-the-top scenery-chewing, and I wasn’t disappointed by anyone here.
Like I said before, I can’t really recommend that everyone run out and get this, but I’ve spent my Saturdays in worse ways. Like that time I watched “Pulse.”
You turned out the lights and fired up the jack o lantern without me?
I am so sad.
So I take it the tentacled beasties in question were more “rubber bath-toy octopus” than “Lovecraftian aberrations”?
Man. That sucks.
They should have made the version you remembered, instead.
Do they keep their mouths open like that the whole movie? Because that would be hilarious. I’m going to make a camp horror movie called The Mouthbreathers now.
Another thing I like about the pictures is that there in almost the same pose in each one. Like they’ve just been standing that way for hours with their mouths open. Like Improv Everywhere in the Mist.