Tales to Astonish!

I don’t know what it is. I don’t think that I’ve actually hit the age where the younger crowd becomes baffling quite yet. I know that I no longer fully understand what’s going on in pop culture, and I know that I’ll probably never truly grasp all the hippin’ and the hoppin’ and Bell Biv Devoes, but I’d still like to think that my perception of youth culture is still fairly reasonable.

That is, until I saw this.

(Alternate link)

And after that, I’m pretty much ready to fully retire to my little closed-off bubble of 1930s entertainment, stick my fingers in my ears, and start shouting “NYAHNYAHNYAHNYAH” until the pleading sound of my own voice drowns out the rest of humanity. I mean, sure, the entertainment of the 1930s was a little off-kilter, but at least nobody was gangbanging footrests.

Also: The Daily Show.

EDIT: Apparently, they hump even more than ottomans! Not even pianos are safe from their groins!

You’re goddamned right:

IT’S MONSTER SQUAD DAY!

After waiting for TWENTY years — that’s right, two-zero — my beloved Monster Squad has finally been released in a reasonable format, in WIDESCREEN, with a crapload of extra features. I don’t know how many of you have actually seen this movie, but if you haven’t, you’ve probably gone through life feeling like something special was missing from the world, a little void that should be filled with love and godliness. I am here to tell you that that empty space just so happens to be perfectly Monster Squad-shaped. My friends, that is no coincidence.

This movie is what happens when these guys try to take over the world:

And the only ones who can stop them are The Goonies Monster Squad:

This movie is basically The Goonies, but with monsters and much more awesomeness. If you haven’t seen either of these movies, then I suggest you restructure your life around the goal of seeing both of them. Cancel meetings, get divorces, whatever. Monster Squad is the truly important thing. It fulfills all needs.

Also: I dated the Mummy’s niece! SERIOUSLY. I knew there was something special about the girl when I met her, but I didn’t know that we were cosmically linked by Monster Squad.

Go. Purchase. Change your life.

God, I love the Internet Movie Database. It fills me with joy, because only there can I find forum posts like this one:

“Will it have it in the USA out on DVD!!!”

Or, for those that aren’t registered and don’t want to register, the entire thing is after the jump.

Read more »