Tales to Astonish!

Signs That Your Trip Back Home Should End:

1. Everything you say begins with “I swear to God–”

2. You notice that you went to high shool with the employee of the month at the new supermarket.

3. The bottom of your foot has just finished the ninety-second reprieve from stepping in puppy poo.

4. The brigade of plush holiday snowmen in cute holiday poses has captured the kitchen countertop, and called in cute holiday reinforcements to lay siege on the living room and all available tabletops, cutening them as soon as they can capture the space from the doilies.

5. You start referring to your family as “You people.”

I’m glad to be back in New York City.

I’ve got a busy schedule today:

-Clean apartment.
-Play with cat.
-Buy wrapping paper.
-Watch DVDs.
-Shave.
-Buy a new shower liner.
-Tease the Lady about the present I got her that she can’t identify.
-Have some drinks.
-Snack. Maybe nachos.
-Vacuum.
-Nap.
-Chew some gum.
-Dust off desk.
-Video games?
-Call parents to remind them that I’m coming in a couple days.
-Sleep.

You know your day is awesome when you get a chance to put “chew some gum” on a to-do list and mean it.

Well, the mass transit strike here in New York City is finally over, and it will go down in history as one of the biggest slightly inconvenient events that I’ve ever lived through, right next to the week when the cafeteria in my building was trying to get through their overstock of Black Forest Turkey Sandwiches before putting out new selections. Apples, man. Apples do not belong on turkey sandwiches. I had to eat salads for a week.

Now that the MTA and the Union have reached some kind of Sam Waterston-type of plea bargain, the tunnels under New York are once again echoing with the sounds of angry people selling bulk AA batteries and cranky old women holding the doors because they think it’s their God-given right to make the train wait for them and their goddamned little pushcarts filled with newspapers.

Just the thought of it makes my heart grow two sizes too big.

I submit:

“Vacation” by The Go-Go’s.

Until you realize that you’re not on vacation, you still have to work for two more days this week, and you had to get up at 4:20 in the morning because there is a mass transit strike in your city.

But I still fantasized about 1980s Belinda Carlisle.

EDIT: Another good song? ANYTHING BY CUTTING CREW. Which means “(I Just) Died In Your Arms” because that’s the only song they have, right?

EDIT 2: What was I thinking? THIS is obviously the best song to hear in the morning. CLICK HERE to dance until your feet fall off.

For anyone that’s interested, I’ve sent out all my holiday cards as of this afternoon. All but three went out last week, so almost everyone should be receiving theirs soon (and one was sent to everyone that put in a request via email). Leave me a comment if you’ve received yours, since I’d like to make sure that at least some of them got to their destinations.

Also, thanks to Vince and family for the nice card I received from them!

EDIT: And to Sam for the eCard.