This is a stupid post, so you might as well just skip it and go find one of my better ones, but I just had a bite of a Twix bar and then took a swig of some hazelnut cream coffee and I’m pretty sure it was the best thing I’ve ever tasted in my entire whole life, although I said the same thing last night when I had the tomato/cucumber/onion salad from a Turkish restaurant.
Know what else is cool?
RUN-ON SENTENCES!
I happen to be uploading some other camera phone photos to the internet, so I figured that I’d stop by here and share this nugget of Halloweenosity.
A moment of silence, please.
It may only be a spoof trailer for a movie that doesn’t actually exist, but it’s pretty funny.
When a hillbilly’s meth lab explodes, the chemicals cause him to rise from the wreckage as a member of the living dead, making the south even slower and more dimwitted than usual. And there’s karate and lots of trucks and mullets, too.
Just kidding, south! Innocent little joke there, about the ‘slow’ thing.
Please don’t eat me.
I was gonna start this post with the lyrics to “Silent Running” by Mike & the Mechanics, but then I looked them up and realized that it’s “Can you hear me running,” not “Can you feel it coming,” which pretty much ruins the idea, since my Halloween Blogstravaganza should be referred to as “it” and not “me.” And it’s also not running.
Anyway, I’m trying to get all my spooky spirits in a row here, so I can develop a plan of sorts to blog by as we approach Halloween 2005. (Or, as I like to call it H05: The Reckoning, since that’s what the movie would be titled.) I’ve pretty much settled on doing a bunch of movie reviews of the best and worst horror films in your local video store, one for every day of October. I’m even going to go through the complete canon of Friday the 13th and Elm Street flicks — IN ORDER — so when it comes down to picking out your selections for Halloween evening, you’ll know which ones to go for. You’ll also know which ones have the most nudity, because apparently some people think that “best” and “most nudity” are not always synonymous. (But mostly.)
I’ll also be throwing up (fuh-BLAH) some posts about the very worst things of the Halloween season, from candy to costumes to bitch up the street in the blue house that gave me quarters instead of sugar when I was eight. I mean, what? Did she expect me to go shopping dressed like that? I’d've been laughed out of Tops Friendly Supermarket. My childhood was warped enough by that point, and I sure didn’t need the produce guy to be makin’ fun of my get-up.
Also, if you’re all good, I might work out that zombie podcast. I have no idea what that would entail, but I bet it would entertain me for a good hour or two.
If you’ve got any other bright ideas on how to liven up the holiday season, send me one a’ them Respond-O-Grams.
Here’s a pic from my foray into New York Costumes to get your blood flowin’:
Remember back in March, when an in-custody Brian Nichols managed to escape a courthouse, kill a few more people (four) on the way out, and then take a hostage? And then the hostage (Ashley Smith) talked Nichols into giving himself up by convincing him that he needed to turn to God for salvation?
I remember. Those are the kinds of articles that kinda stick in the back of my mind. It’s probably got something to do with the responses to the event, suggesting the infinite healing and saving powers of the Lord. Let it be said, of course, that I’m very happy that she — as a hostage, no less — managed to talk him out of being a fugitive. That’s darn impressive work, and quite frankly, I know that I wouldn’t be very persuasive when trying to turn a multiple-murderer over to the Lord’s ways. There’s that twitch I get when I’m lying, you know, so I probably wouldn’t be very convincing.
Unless, perhaps, I gave him drugs.
That’s why I applaud Ashley Smith: not only did she save a soul, she also gave herself the added challenge of saving a meth-addled soul that was not afraid of taking a human life (or four). She must be an over-achiever.
According to her new book, “Unlikely Angel,” Smith delivers the full tale that she kindasorta neglected to mention to police at the time. Or the press. Apparently, as she was being held hostage, Nichols was looking to take the edge off being a runaway murderer and asked for some marijuana; but Smith, a lapsing drug addict, had only crystal meth to spare. After Nichols had snorted a few lines, Smith then shared stories of her faith, and also tried to turn him away from a life of drugs. It is unclear whether the “Just Say No” speech came before or after the meth was gone.
I guess the moral of the story is that God works in mysterious ways, and may have side effects such as heart palpitations, blurred vision, extended wakefulness, and damage to the brain, lungs, and liver. God may affect the user’s judgment, vision, coordination, and reflexes. God may provoke violence, antisocial behavior, hallucinations, depression, and psychoses. God is not known to be physically addictive, but may cause users to develop strong psychological dependence. Over-use of God may cause paranoia, mood swings, and loss of critical thinking faculties.