Tales to Astonish!

1. There are grammatical errors in the headline today. Can you spot them?

2. I managed to catch an episode of “A Pup Named Scooby Doo” this morning, before I left my girlfriend’s apartment to come to work. I don’t know how many people remember this show, but I’ve always had nice memories of watching it as a kid. I was a big Scooby fan from the TBS reruns growing up, and so when I heard that they were starting a NEW Scooby show, I was ecstatic; I was also really little, so I didn’t even care that it was a show about the Scooby gang as little kids. I just needed my Scooby fix.

Anyway, I haven’t seen this show in a long time, but I’m impressed by some of the humor in the show — even now. Mostly because it had recurring jokes that no child would ever, ever get. The vast majority of the gags are aimed squarely at the tikes in the audience, and there’re lots of “ZOINKS!” and running into walls and falling through trapdoors and whatnot; but a few of the jokes were running above kids’ heads. For instance, in today’s episode (about Chickenstein terrorizing a newspaper called “The National Exaggerator”), there was a character called ‘Scoop Byline.’ I was a smart youngster, but I wouldn’t know what a byline was. (Granted, not a great ‘adult’ joke, but it’s something that I look back on and laugh because I didn’t get it the first time.) Then, there’s what I consider to be one of my favorite TV jokes of all time. I don’t have a big list, but I think that it’s impressive that “A Pup Named Scooby Doo” managed to snag a spot, considering that my list includes all of television.

In every single episode of “A Pup Named Scooby Doo,” when it comes time to guess at the identity of the villain, little Freddy always guesses that the weekly monster is, in fact, the neighborhood bully. The bully’s name is… Red Herring.

Now, I had no idea what a red herring was when the show aired, but it made me laugh a lot when I first remembered it. Then, when I realized it happened in every episode, it killed me, because Freddy accused Red every single week, and he was wrong every single week. That’s kind of important in my evaluation of the show, because like it or not, the characters on “A Pup Named Scooby Doo” were about a hundred times more interesting than the characters on the old “Scooby Doo.” Each one of the kids is well-defined, and actually has discernable traits. Scooby and Shaggy are essentially the same; Velma is the smart one that correctly guesses the villain every week, and finds all the clues; Daphne is the cool popular kid that always points out how wrong Freddy is; and Freddy is the hyper-spazz that’s always jumping the gun, and — you guessed it — pointing out the wrong villain every week. Freddy never found a clue in his whole life, but he really, really, really wants to get it right, because he wants to prove it to Daphne and Velma that he’s not just a hyperactive little spazz. That’s why Freddy accusing Red Herring on every episode makes me laugh so much: not only is it a clever pun for the adults, but it’s also — deep down — a character joke.

3. Amazon.com’s ‘Buy New & Used’ option is the best thing ever. When I go to buy a book, my options are usually “Buy Brand-New for $18.95 + S/H” or “Buy New & Used for $0.91 + S/H.” I don’t see how this can help their revenue, but I like it.

I like it because I appreciate 96% discounts.

I just got the complete “Werewolf” TV show on DVD, which is a show from my childhood that I always had fond (and incredibly vague) memories of, and watching a few episodes prompts the question:

Was there some kind of enormous fog machine sale in 1987?

Every scene outdoors looks like it was filmed next to a forest fire. Perhaps the werewolf is actually Smokey the Bear seeking revenge on the guys that lit up his trees.

Anyway, back to Janos Skorzeny and Alamo Joe.

UPDATE 1: I just glanced at the TV, and in the background of one of the scenes, there’s a poster for the movie “Werewolf Vs. Vampire Woman.” That’s cool enough, but the best part is that the tagline is “See it with someone you hate!”

Ha!

Activist judges my ass, this guy needs to get removed. Now.

Judge says: Parents Can’t Teach Their Child Non-Mainstream Beliefs. Parents both say, “What the fuck?”

It’s so blatantly unconstitutional that I can’t even fathom how he could for one second think that it was either legal or even a good idea. The judge just told the family that they no longer had the right to teach their children the religion of their choice…

…I have nothing more to say. It’s completely outrageous.

Number One:

The guy who’s writing an upcoming episode of “The Batman” cartoon series is named ‘Joe Kuhr.’ I’m completely serious.

I guess we know who wins the fight in that episode.

Number Two:

My girlfriend loves me sooo much that she let me borrow some tupperware for my lunch today. In other words, that’s like the Louve letting me borrow the Mona Lisa. Tupperware DOES NOT get lent to people.

Oh, love…!

Woo-hoo! Once again, I celebrate the milestone of another thousand hits to Tales to Astonish!

We’ve come so far together, you and I, TtA. I remember, back in the beginning, when you were just a blog about New York City subway outages and service changes. So much has changed since then; we’ve grown together, and matured, and seen each other through so many of life’s bitter problems, like alcoholism and Star Wars movies.

I’ve come to realize something, Tales to Astonish…you complete me.

I hope we continue to nurture our relationship as a writer and a blog, and in time become — do I even dare say it? — a writer and a blog with more than three readers.

Here’s a toast to you, Tales to Astonish — may the future see you well. And after we’re done with the fifth and sixth toasts, let’s go see “Revenge of the Sith.”